On Friday I'm at the 10 day mark from the second treatment. I'll have my blood drawn and I'll know before I walk out of the cancer center how things look. I get a little anxious about this time. Doc told me that there might be a chance about half-way through that I will need a blood transfusion. I'm not thrilled at the the thought. But apparently, because I've had chemo before, my bone marrow won't bounce back as quickly, so as the chemo drugs accumulate over the multiple treatments, transfusion becomes more of a possibility.
Right now, I'm feeling ok. A bit tired. Yesterday I had all kinds of energy. Today I feel just a little dragged out. Maybe the day was too long yesterday, but my sweetie invited me out for a belated Valentine's treat. Went to Simms Steakhouse and had a great view on a clear night and just the best meal. I was wow'd. I haven't been there in a long time and I have to say I was impressed. We finished the meal with a raspberry souffle. I've never had souffle before, so that was fun. But what a sugar rush. Probably the worst thing I could have done, since they say people who have cancer should avoid sugar.
I started the day yesterday at 4 a.m. and then didn't get to sleep until around 10 p.m. I suppose I over-did it. Sometimes I feel like my old self and I think I have all this capacity. And then I discover how wrong I am.
I feel so truly blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life. He is amazing and I know it helps me keep trudging through this process because I so look forward to the day later this year when I can be my old self again. I have all these plans to go bicycling and hiking and dancing with him. I think we are going to have lots of fun. We'll get to do a lot of the things that have been put on hold. We had only been dating about 2-1/2 months when I got my news of my recurrence. I thought it would be over at that point, but he seems to want to stick around. I'm doing my best not to be "sick". I think that would be a drag, but he knows that there are days when I'm just not able to be my normal self. He's very understanding.
Last night we were talking about the possibility that the cancer could be the end of me. I told him I wished I could promise that in 2 years I would still be here, but the reality is, I can't. I said it all boils down to what we can say about the run we've had together. I told him if, at the end of the day, we can say we laughed, had fun together, had an authentic love for each other, I didn't think we could ask for more. If the answer is yes to the question of whether it was good or not, then we can face the inevitable and know that we'll see each other again. It was kind of a hard conversation. But he makes it easy to have an honest exchange.
I'm off to sleep. Will update the blog tomorrow after I've had my checkup. Love to everyone who is reading this. I think I made some people sad with my previous blog -- sorry about that. Sometimes I just get to typing and my heart takes over. I want you all to know that I'm really ok. As long as I'm still able to get around ok, get some exercise and some fun, do work that I love, and I have my friends and family, life is actually really, really good. Matters of the physical are not what makes a life. The heart and soul are so much more important.
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